There’s nothing like a few hard years to take some glimmer out of your eyes. I’m at the “catch myself in a mirror and not recognize me” stage and I’m ready to recover a bit of what I left behind. I have been waiting for some emotional energy to put toward it and I am happy to report that my husband is now aneurysm-free and that after almost 2 years of not really sleeping I am back on the sleep train. Our 17 month old is finally sleeping like a champ (with some intentional hard work) and I feel like a new woman.
I made it through the years of having babies and let me tell you…I am worn out. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, motherhood is from here to forever, but those early years of puking pregnancies, devastating miscarriages, and tiny fantastic baby needs are unyielding.
Looking back I wish I could have nurtured myself better. I wish I could have slowed down and read more books and took more days off. I wish I would have exercised more and got out more. I am a well-balanced person, it’s probably my best quality, but there is a force in motherhood that draws out the extremes. Although we are all selfish on some level, the sacrificial side comes out in all its glory when little babies are involved. And they demand so much. I would give it all I’ve got in the midst of nausea or grief or sleep deprivation or feeling inadequate or blissful baby love and wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t felt good or been alone in months- until my wheels started coming off.
Maybe some of you felt awesome while you were pregnant, got great sleeping babies and kept up with your kick-ass workout routine all while bringing little humans into the world. Good for you, teach me your ways.
For the rest of us who had challenges we didn’t know how to manage and too many irons in the fire, we have been giving the best we have to give. Motherhood is wild and wonderful and each season will demand differently of us. Maybe it’s the toddler years that did you in, or maybe the teenage ones (most likely it was/will be both.)
So while I have a minute before another season demands more than I can balance, I’d love to sift through these past 8 years and recover some of the person I was and some of the things I loved. I will never be who I was before I had kids (and I don’t want to be) but I do require some tending to if I want to be healthy and whole and interesting.
Want to recover with me? The first step is to ask yourself these questions. I’m starting with one answer for each question because I have a million and a million will make me feel like watching Netflix instead of doing good and new stuff.
What did I leave behind that’s worth getting back? Time alone. To exercise, to be in the Word and to just BE without all the noise.
The last time I remember running by myself at the beach.
What new things do I want in my life? To devote time each week to writing (and to finally start working on a book.)
The cute little reason I read no books and write no books.
What are some realistic steps I can take to make the above mentioned things work? Deciding with Brian on what regularly scheduled time each week could be set aside for me to get away and do these important things while he takes care of the crazies!
My fabulous partner in this life!
Golden Threads 
I am here to cheer you on and at the same time it would not be a bad idea to get back to my exercises that I have unfortunately been neglecting. Thanks for another great blog and waiting for the day to present your book to my book 📚 club. Love ❤️
Love to you Carolyn. It would be an honor to be on your book club list someday!
I’m so joining you. The burnout is getting to me. My attitude, patience, grace. They’re at an all time low. Especially towards myself. I appreciate your honesty. Helps me loosen up the reigns on the expectations I place on myself and the mother I “should” be. Motherhood is a cakewalk, said no one ever!!
Said no one ever 😂
I’m always encouraged by your fit moms pictures and wishing I were working out along side you! You’ve got some unique challenges with having a husband who travels and often being in a new community. Maybe a babysitter once a week just for You time? I’d love to hear what ideas you have. Love you ❤️
Oh, Stephanie, I love reading your blogs. I can relate on so many levels. Having children ranging from 25 to 3, experiencing three losses, and a divorce…it’s hard to figure out what the new normal is on a given day. Thank God we have Jesus, who writes our identity on our hearts. Without Him, I wouldn’t have made it through these past years. Thank you for inviting us to ride along with you. This journey can get lonely. ❤❤❤
Oh I’m so glad to be encouraging and to be on the journey together. And amen sister, I’d be nowhere without Jesus ❤️
Cheering you on!!! Yes to all of this!!! Wish our paths crossed more, there’s so much here to talk about. ❤️❤️❤️
Me too! Miss you friend.
I’m joining you too!! Tho I sense my journey downward has a few more stops yet to make before I can fully begin recovery, lol, but I”ll embrace the concept with you now anyway!! I adore you, you put words to the heartache that life is, and remind me of the goodness and hope we have in Jesus. Thanks mama!
This is my area of service now, my friend. If you’d like someone who understands (I’ve been there with the, “What just happened?” reality) and is trained to deliver long-term tools of health behavior change, let me know.
Your letter resonates on so many levels – I would love to share it with others, if that is ok.
In the meantime, “One step at a time” and with deep respect to the changes you are making and reasons behind them.
Fondly,
Lisa Marquart
(batonhealth.co)
Thank you Lisa. I’d love to learn from you and your experience! And yes, please share with anyone that could be encouraged by it.
I’m in! However I’m still in the brink of pregnancy and babies so I might be lagging behind! But you inspire me and I’ll be praying for a healthy balance and will be gleaning from what Abba is teaching you along your journey! Love you Teff! You are such a lovely woman!!!! And Mama!!!!